Do you have a reoccurring dream?
I do.
It's a dream where I turn up for my year 12 maths exam. I open the paper and realise I am completely unprepared. I haven't been to a single maths class all year, in fact I had completely forgotten I was enrolled in the subject. I am sitting at a wooden desk staring at complex equations. And I start to panic. The dream always ends with me handing in an empty paper. And when I wake, I feel horrible.
So, what does this all mean? I don't quite know. What I do know is that I disliked maths in high school. It was my most challenging subject and one that my parents pumped a lot of money into additional tutoring for me. It was never an easy subject. But one I had to sit down and work hard at, unlike many of my friends. At uni, I farewelled all subjects related to mathematics, except statistics, which was kind of important given my job as a genetic counsellor. I married a maths teacher. And to this day, maths exams are constantly piled high on our kitchen table.
Sigh. If only, my maths teacher could see me now with all this maths around me.
So, it leaves me with this question. What on earth does this dream mean? Why do I keep dreaming about this exam? And why the hell am I not taking the classes?
I was once told that this dream expresses a fear of failure. An expressed feeling of being unprepared for the challenges in waking life.
Which, I admit might not be far from the truth. As this dream often appears at rather poignant life stressing times, like upcoming work commitments, assignment due dates, etc. But last night threw me somewhat. I wasn't aware of any looming life events. I thought I had everything under control.
Until dah. *Lightbulb moment.
I have been somewhat stressing about my upcoming return to work. Oh, who am I kidding I am totally flippn' out of my mind stressed about going back to work. Stressed about how I am going to manage two kids, turn up to work without a boob hanging out, do kinder drop offs and make kinder chit chat, run into day care with a backpack and a smile, fight off daycare vomit bugs, meet patient demands. Breast feed, exercise, dinner, dishes and everything in between.
Could this be what my dream is telling me? Is my dream screaming "hey dude, your stressed out of your eye balls about this balancing act? Wake up." Is this my personal challenge that I am feeling unprepared for? And is it possible that my subconscious, dream state knows me better than me?
Probably.
So, tell me am I crazy to be worried about all this? I have 2 and a bit months to sort my shit out. Tell me, what's your hot tips and flashy tricks for succeeding at being a working mum of two. Do you have a reoccurring dream?
Love Jo xxx